“Dr. Barbara Howard, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine suggested that the whole “manners” concept might seem a little out of date—until you recast it as “social skills,” a very hot term today. Social skills are necessary for school success, she pointed out; they affect how you do on the playground, in the classroom, in the workplace.”

After personally observing more than one rude child and the mortified parent, I thought that it might be a good idea to address this issue before the holiday season begins.

Here's how I would recommend parents respond when their child has been rude to another adult.

• The first step is for the parent to immediately acknowledge the rudeness and reprimand the child. It doesn’t have to be a harsh reprimand, but the child needs to understand he or she has done something wrong.

• This is important to do out of respect for the adult. If the parent ignores the inappropriate behavior, the rudeness is doubled by the apparent approval.

• Mom or dad might also need to apologize to the adult for the child.

Why not ask the child to apologize for her rude behavior?

• Asking the child to apologize immediately after the offense may or may not be appropriate.

• If apologies have not been taught or encouraged in the past, this situation isn’t the time to start. Instead begin working on it in less volatile setting.

• Demanding an apology from the child might mean more discomfort for the adult if the child refuses or doesn’t understand the need.

What follow up is necessary?

• None with the adult.

• When parent and child are alone it is the parent’s responsibility to help her understand how her words can hurt another person. It’s possible that she didn’t know that what she said or did or the tone she used was rude.

• The task of encouraging good manners parallels the basics of loving discipline. In my book Be The Parent I challenged parents with 5 action steps.

1. Agree as Mom and Dad how you’ll handle discipline. (Sing off the same song sheet.)

2. Pick your battles wisely and win ‘em. (Follow the basics of discipline.)

3. Think long-term. (Remember what Dr. Howard said, “Manners affect how kids do on the playground, in the classroom, and [ultimately] in the workplace.”)

4. Be consistent.

5. Reject the parenting lies. (i.e. A young child is incapable of exhibiting good manners.)

• It’s always a good idea to practice being polite. Parents need to teach their children how to respond to a greeting from another adult. Role-playing can help with this.

• The key is to extinguish rude behavior and encourage positive behavior. This will benefit children greatly today and in the future!