No parent wants his child to lie. The hope is that Mom and Dad can trust every word that comes from the lips of their offspring. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. So if lying is, in a sense, inevitable, let’s take a look at what a parent can do to minimize the possibilities and get  “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

The first step is to look at why kids choose to lie.

• Young kids are story-tellers for amusement.  Until about the age of 5, kids enjoy making up and hearing pretend stories. There is very little harm here unless the child blurrs fact and fiction. A child as young as 3 years knows the difference between the truth and a lie.
• Older kids have a different motivation for lying. They do not lie for fun. Instead their lies are usually self-serving.
  • They lie to get out of doing some chore or assignment (like cleaning their room…”I have to go to practice right now and I won’t have time to clean my room.”)
  • Or older kids (teens and tweens) lie to avoid a consequence for their actions. (like “I know you told me not to go swimming. I didn’t jump into the pool. I was pushed in.”)
  • A more difficult situation is when kids choose to lie to get attention or when they have no conscience about lying and no remorse for choosing to lie.

• Have an age-appropriate conversation about the difference between lying and telling the truth, emphasizing the importance of the truth.
• Explain that an individual who consistently lies will be labeled as sneaky or untrustworthy – a label that is difficult to remove.
• Help the child understand that a lie is hurtful. “It doesn’t hurt anyone,” is never an accurate explanation for lying.

• First, don’t assume your child has lied. Be certain before you confront.
• Be clear about your expectation – that your child will tell the truth – and explain that if lying occurs again, a consequence will be delivered.
• Don’t surprise the child with a consequence on the first identified offense. Give him or her the future opportunity to choose to follow your rule of not lying.
• The promised consequence has to make the child uncomfortable enough to avoid telling lies in the future.
• When that next offense occurs, no long, drawn-out discussion is necessary.  No debate.  If lying occurs after you have established the boundaries, you simply administer the consequences.  (like no phone for 24 hours, no friend over to play, whatever fits your specific child)\
• No emotion, Mom and Dad. When you administer a consequence it’s like fulfilling a contract between you and your child. Your child chose to lie and now you give the promised (contracted) consequence.
• The only appropriate emotion is love. You need to discipline your child in the same pattern as the Lord who “disciplines those He loves.” (Hebrews 12:6)
• Any other considerations?
  • Do not punish a child who tells the truth.
  • Don’t play the “God Card.”
  • Spinning a story, exaggeration, “little white lies,” are all first cousins to lying and need to be treated as such.
  • And finally…You are a role model.  Are you a positive one?