“According to a recent study by the Pew Research Center, 31 percent said young adults shouldn’t have to be on their own until age 25 or older.”  It looks as though kids are in no hurry to leave the nest and parents are not pushing them out.
 
This seems to be a big change in thinking.  Is it something that should be of concern?

• It definitely is a different way of thinking compared to a generation ago.  The change has probably been precipitated by both the state of the economy and also by the changes we’ve witnessed in our culture.
• Concern? My answer would be "yes" and "no". 
  • No immediate concern is necessary if a post-teenager is moving toward a legitimate goal. If that is the case, it may be appropriate for the parent to support that child by providing a place to live or some financial backing.  Both parent and child should know that when the goal is reached the child will become self-supporting.
  • Yes, I would be concerned if the adult child is holding out for a management position or “looking for a ‘career’” and not taking advantage of the employment possibilities that are offered. If that is the case I believe it is time for the parent to gently but decidedly severe the financial ties.
  • Quoting from a lecture to high school students given by Bill Gates, “Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping.  They called it opportunity.  Parents need to give their kids the opportunity to be independent.

In a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, Pamela Druckerman, author of the book “Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting,” asked the following question, “Could it be that teaching children how to delay gratification – as middle-class French parents do – actually makes them calmer and more resilient?”

What do you think is the answer to Ms. Druckerman’s question?  Is delayed gratification an important factor in raising children?

• I believe it is one factor that should not be ignored.
• Children need to learn how to wait – whether it is waiting for their parent’s attention or waiting for a reward, patience is an attribute that can be cultivated by delayed gratification.

Do you feel that parents today are allowing their kids to experience delayed gratification?

“…Children who are encouraged to take reasonable, safe risks – with the guidance and support of their parents as they leave their comfort zone – tend to grow in confidence, are willing to make mistakes and use each failure as an education.” (Richard Asa, Chicago Tribune, January 1, 2012) 
 
What do you think about allowing kids to take “reasonable, safe risks”?

• It’s been my experience that the children who were encouraged to “leave their comfort zone” found that they were able to accomplish things they never imagined.
• “Safe risks” that stretch kids truly do build confidence.
• One of the interesting compliments I got one time went like this: You think I can do things I don’t think I can do. But because you think I can, I try and I’m successful!” That’s one thing a parent or other responsible adult can do for a child.
• Our three sons grew up in a small country church and attended a high school of fewer than 500 students.  In both of those settings, they were able to take “safe risks when it came to being involved in music and in athletics.
• Other examples of “safe risks” might be taking part in community theater, signing up for the Scholastic Bowl at school,  getting involved in a club, taking lessons – music, karate, horseback riding, etc.

For many teenagers, attending parties and meeting friends is an important part of their social development.  Parties can be positive and fun, but parents are often concerned about parties getting out of hand.

So with that in mind, what should parents know before giving permission for their teenager to attend a party?

• According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents need to realize that:
  1. News about a party spreads quickly via social networking, which means these parties can grow too large for parents to control.
  2. Teen parties often start late at night and move from house to house.
• Both of these factors are very different from the experience most parents had as teenagers.

With that as background information, what questions should parents be asking?